Developing the Earth pt 1

Developing the Earth pt 1
Photo by Arturo Rivera / Unsplash

‌In the beginning, and after a large cup of coffee, God booted up her computer, installed the dependencies, then spun up a fresh development build of the Heavens and the Earth git repos. ‌

The builds went smoothly everyday for nearly a week, but on day 6, She started getting hella stressed by the hairless monkey sim-bots she'd labeled Hue-mehns; so named because they came in many different hues, and cuz they were kinda meh.

They had the capacity to store and use more memory, make better decisions, and exist more asynchronously than previous builds, but seemed to only use those abilities very rarely.

God spent several hours/millennia fucking with the container env variables in dev environment, but still kept getting sub-optimal I/O performance.

And so, 5 minutes to midnight and the start of the 7th day, God said "Fuck it, good enough. Just gonna fucking ship, I'll clean it up later" and pushed the latest commit to the MilkyWay git mono repo, running the Earth submodule through her proprietary CI/CD pipeline to build and deploy into production.

Photo by Christina @ / Unsplash

And on the 7th day, God rested with her favorite self-care routine: meditating, hiking through nature, then smoking weed till she fell asleep watching her favorite comedy show.‌